STEVE MARTIN'S L.A. STORY
Something funny is happening in L.A.
Audio

Harris at work: The weekend weather-jingle
Trudi: "Sheila has been studying the art of conversation". Harris: "Ooh, you're taking a course in conversation?" Sheila: "Yes"
Woman: "Whatever you do, don't get dumped in L.A. I mean, it's not like New York where you can meet someone walking down the street. In L.A. you practically have to hit someone with your car. In fact I know girls who speed, just to meet cops". Policeman: "We met on a hit in West Hollywood"
Roland: "Sara just got off a plane from London". Man: "Ohh - you must be exhausted" Sara: "I am, I'm shattered, but it's nothing that some sleep and a good f*** wouldn't cure as my sister used to say"
Sara: "Do people here get up early or late?" Harris: "It depends...why?" Sara: "....well, if a person were to be making a lot of noise, what time should they start?" Harris: "What kind of noise - like construction?" Sara: "No - like deep sustained booming sounds" Harris: "Aaaah - deep sustained booming sounds - around nine, nine fifteen"
Trudi: "If you're talking to signs - you ARE in trouble"
Harris: "So I would either stay indoors or wear a hat"
Harris: "Hello this is Harris, I'm in right now, so you can talk to me personally, please start talking at the sound of the beep" [beeeep]
Harris: "I could never be a woman, I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day"
Harris : [laughing] ...walk? a walk in L.A.? [still laughing]
Harris: "The weekends are very tough for me to come in, you can imagine my busy weekend schedule. Besides, this is L.A., what's gonna change?"
"Hi, my name is Bob, I'll be your robber" Harris: "Hi, how are you?" Bob: "Thank you very much" [receiving money]
Harris: "I thought he was only supposed to take ten percent"
Mr. Pardeau: "They all have VISA and MASTERCARD"
Chef: "He can't have c'est duck". Mr. Pardeau: "You can't have the duck". Harris: "Why?" Mr. Pardeau [angry]: "You think with a financial statement like this, you can have the duck?"
Chef: "He can't have the duck"
Mr. Pardeau: "You can have the chicken"
Harris: "I could eat some paintings of food myself"
Harris: "Gee, I'm done already, and I don't remember eating"
"Doo wah diddy" on tuba and piano
Harris: "SanDeE*, your breasts feel weird". SanDeE*: "Oh - that's because they're real"
Harris: Harris: "All I know is, when the day your plane was to leave, if I had the power, I would turn the winds around, I would roll in fog, I would bring in storms, I would change the polarity of the Earth, so compasses wouldn't work, so your plane couldn't take off"

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Document created February 7 1998
Last modified September 19 2009
© Annette Christensen